No Is No

I have been pondering what I wanted to blog about when a lady started this debate with me on my Facebook wall. One, I shared a neat wooden sign of rules.

1891066_658020927570236_1711459499_n Image credit to Facebook.com. That’s a first. LOL.

I think the sign is good because it is showing that you mind your parent’s rules, no making your own. Which is really tough in today’s generation, they are all about not following rules. I grew up with these rules and no way did it hurt me or make me think my grandma was a mean person. It was teaching me to respect her and to respect authority. The clothing part is a mutual agreement on what to wear. I will not allow my kid to wear something that is profane or too short for school, etc. I’m sorry, I am not going to rush out and buy them expensive clothes just because they want it! No! Most times, clothing is shopping together and coming to an agreement.

The second one of washing it, you can most definitely put it away! I did growing up. I actually have taught my kids to do their own laundry. Still working on the putting away. But they do take it to their room. They are not going to be lazy. Once in awhile I will put it away but not so much anymore. Mine our teens and they can do their own. In fact, 90% of the time they do their own bedding as well. 🙂

The bed time one, darn right, if I say bed you go to bed! I will not allow them to choose their own bed time. That is not good for them. They are still learning and they do not know what is best for them yet. Plus, they need sleep and they need a routine. No phones either! I have them turned off at night. Though sometimes Verizon settings don’t always work I find out. They are shut down from 11pm to 6am. On weekends I do leave them on all night and sometimes wish I didn’t, but if they are away and need me then they can call. I even struggle with them having phones as teens. We waited until they were a teen which is way longer than most. I do get a bit relaxed on the weekends for bedtime. It just depends what is going on. I really dislike sleepovers because they never go to sleep. When other kids stay we have tried getting them to go to sleep and they won’t. It wouldn’t bother me so much but the kids are fricken noisy and then we can’t sleep. No respect for others. At least as a kid we whispered and just talked. These kids wrestle, etc. Drives me batty. Sleep time is for calming down.

The phone thing, darn right, we are paying for it, if we say get off, get off. And even if they are paying for it but in our house same rule applies. We do this mostly at supper time or if we are doing a family thing. No reason to be on the phone when it is interrupting our time together. Call them back. Phones don’t belong at our table. End of story.

The no thing is what got the other person debating with me. She thinks I should give an answer because it makes them thinkers! Hell no, not when they argue the answer you gave! I am the parent, my answer is final! You do not keep asking why when I said no! All that is doing is encouraging them to argue with authority! No!!!

Doesn’t mean you have to agree but no means no. My goodness is her kid gonna argue with a policeman, teacher, or a boss? Good luck with that! I think she is the problem with  society in the way she is rasing her kids. I was nice on Facebook so I did not get mean or anything because I do know she has her right to her opinion but it was like my opinion didn’t matter!!! I’m pretty sure my kids will turn out better than hers at least in authority and following rules.

What do you think? Yes, I will welcome your opinion. 🙂

Thanks for letting me vent. 🙂

 

 

14 thoughts on “No Is No

  1. HeyJules, I think you’re doing quite well. It’s a shock to the system when children begin to question your authority. Most children do you know. I think there are as many opinions on child raising as there are parents so there’s no one size fits all answer. I had to stop saying no and start explaining why I was worried. (Whatever you do, never start a sentence with ‘in my day’) You’d be surprised that they have their own opinions on what’s fair. But then you are raising them to be self sufficient. I usd to negotiate on some things and stand firm on what’s important. It’s called picking your battles.
    Jules, those sleepovers must be a pain for you – but the word is a misnomer. There’s no sleeping involved in sleepovers.
    PS. I’m a most respect able of grans now, but it might interest you to know that the moment my friends and I left the school grounds we would roll up our uniform skirts at the waistband to above the knees. We thought it was cool. We thought we were making a statement – that we weren’t our mothers. Nothing changes. 🙂 there will come a day when your children will have children of their own and come to you for advice. Focus on that.

    • So true! And thank you. 🙂 Can’t imagine you being a rebel! lol

      I guess I never argued with my grandparents when they said no. I may have cussed in my mind but I never argued, I knew better. My kids It is not one why ? it ends up being 6! and my answer is never good enough so that is why I stick to NO anymore. 🙂 I believe friends doing this is a big factor! Because before certain friends, our kids knew what no was.

      I totally understand not sleeping but when they are so loud that we can’t sleep, there is a problem with respect. I wouldn’t have done it. I’d fear getting in trouble. It was more fun them not knowing we were awake. hee hee.

      Bad thing is we have to deal with a friend of our kids that gets no no’s and then he will ask our kid over and over after we already said no. Very frustrating. Actually, my daughter has thanked us for being more hard nosed than her other friends.

      It just makes it so difficult when a friend’s parents give all the freedom in the world plus no rules, our kid sees it and then expects it to. I will not give in no matter how many times I have wanted to. Yes, everyone can raise their kids as they see fit. Just frustrating.

      • Jules, if your girl appreciates what you’re doing you must be doing right by her and by your boy even if he doesn’t know it yet. Let’s face it, parenting isn’t an easy job. Some day we might even get paid for it. Hugs to you.

  2. I am in complete agreement with you here. Yes, yes, and yes. It’s our job as parents to do these things. Thank goodness for parents like you who do. While I try not to use the “Because I’m the parent and I know best” line–I’ll give them an explanation first–I will indeed use it if they keep at it.

    Raising entitled children does nobody any good. (And like yours, my teens do their own laundry, their own bedding, and help out with other chores. Why should Momma do it all? They need to learn these things. 🙂 )

    • I will add that I also think respecting our kids is hugely important. When kids feel respected, they know they’re being heard and usually behave better as a result. That doesn’t mean we cater to them; it just means we give them the respect we’d give anyone. Hear their side of things too, and apologize when we’re wrong. Because we all make mistakes. 🙂

      • Yes, true on the respect and listening. I listen more than my grandparents ever did but I didn’t speak up to much so maybe that was partially my fault. I had a stepmom that was really mean to me and so I didn’t argue with authority. I was afraid to. I didn’t start that until I had kids and my second hubby. LOL 🙂 I have made plenty of mistakes. Very true to admit when we are wrong even to kids. I have a teen right now going through that stage of he is never wrong and doesn’t listen to anything. And yet he can turn around and be the best kid ever. My two oldest have done well, they still make mistakes and they know we will listen, may not always be able to help depending on situation. We have tried to get all four kids to at least be able to talk to each other if they can not talk to us. I think we have a pretty good family unit. Not perfect but if my kids can do better with their families than me than I will feel like I have accomplished what I want in life. 🙂

    • Thank you. True about the because I’m a parent. I use “because I said so” a lot. Ooops. I did dishes, dusted, etc when I was growing up. It wasn’t back breaking and of course as a kid you don’t get why, but now I totally understand why it was to help out and appreciate what my grandparents did for me and to learn to take care of things. I will take care of my family but by no means am I their maid.

  3. I love those kinds of signs. The family I babysit for has a sign above their washer and dryer saying, “If you don’t wash it, you go naked.” Or something along those lines, lol.
    I always look at those signs and read them as though the signs are being sarcastic. Yet, there’s still a lot of truth to them.
    I completely agree with you. Kids these days need to know how to respect their elders. The first people they learn to respect are their parents, as their parents are the ones who raise them and set the best example. If the kids walk all over their parents, then why would they respect others?
    The family I babysit for (same one I mentioned above), their oldest son got in trouble at school once and he told his teacher, “I don’t care what you do to me here because I won’t get in trouble at home.” When your child says that… that says a lot about the dynamics of your household.

    • That is a good one, I will have to remember that one. 🙂 A lot of the rules can be adjusted to suit what works for the family, but the point is, the parent is the ruler not the kid. I couldn’t believe how many commented saying it was the mom being controlling and a *itch. Boy you just don’t get it. Sad. Yes respect starts at home. The one lady who debated with me kept telling me I wasn’t allowing my kid to be a thinker, dreamer, etc. You can teach that stuff in other ways. We are pretty good on getting our kids to ask questions and think. I told her that I had those rules growing up and I am one of the biggest dreamers and thinkers out there so it didn’t harm me. 🙂 She didn’t reply. I feel for teachers, I can only imagine the disrespect they get from the kids and even parents. I tell my kids they listen to the teacher and in no way disrespect. Only way is if they physically harm you then you need to tell us and the school. I’m glad you recognize all this being a young person. 🙂 Need more of you! 🙂

  4. That’s a thing of respect. We have to respect our parents if they are like you are or like my parents were and are. I can see after many years how often they were right and I with my scientific evidence was totally not. There is such a thing as becoming wise due to lots of experience. Therefore, no, kids shouldn’t raise any arguments just because of the sake of arguing. Parents know their kids, they know the situation, they remember how it felt when they were kids. I find it right when kids work, do the house chores, do laundry, dishes, cleaning, help in the garden. Everything has its time. Social media and TV, unfortunately, want them to go a different way. To prove how they can not take into account anything, pay no regard to anything and imagine at the same time they know it all. Well, time puts everything in the right places. I believe you’re doing a good job as a parent.

    • Thank you. It is definitely hard with social media in the picture today. And then those parents that don’t make rules and follow them. A big struggle. I keep hanging in there.

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